“Swish!”
The young man whipped out his folding fan and snapped it open with a flourish, saying with a beaming smile:
“Fellow Daoist is being too modest. With foresight as divine as yours, you surely foresaw that we martial siblings would come paying a visit today. I am Shen Luohe, a demon-catching officer of the Demon Suppression Division, and beside me is my junior sister, Hua Xijian. If I am not mistaken, you must be the one whose fame has been spreading far and wide around Shouzhou lately... the Dream-Walking Immortal, Nan Zhi of the Nan family?”
Beside him, Hua Xijian cast a glance at Shen Luohe, a bizarre look in her eyes.
What the actual hell was a “Dream-Walking Immortal”?
Seeing the hesitation in his gaze as he looked at her face, Nan Zhi knew he had actually wanted to say “Female Zhong Kui.” He had probably worried that saying it upon their first meeting might be misunderstood as mocking her appearance, hence the last-minute change.
“Your deduction isn't far off either, Fellow Daoist. I am indeed Nan Zhi.”
Not knowing how cultivators usually exchanged pleasantries upon meeting, Nan Zhi decided not to keep trading empty flattery, cutting straight to the point:
“I presume you two have come regarding the matter of the Painted Skin Ghost and the demon tiger. My home is rather cluttered and unfit to receive guests. As it happens, I know a little shop just ahead that makes peerless braised mutton and steamed chicken with wine. Why don't we head over there and talk over food?”
Seeing Nan Zhi get straight to the point without beating around the bush, the two martial siblings exchanged a glance.
“Splendid! Fellow Daoist Nan is truly straightforward and refreshing—a delightful person indeed.”
Shielding his face with his fan, a hint of surprise showing in Shen Luohe's deep brown eyes, he readily agreed:
“A guest should defer to the host's convenience. Since the host is so graciously offering to treat us, my junior sister and I will not stand on ceremony.”
Letting a fellow Daoist they had just met for the first time treat them to a meal...
Furthermore, this was the mortal realm, not the cultivation world; real silver was being spent here.
Word had it that Fellow Daoist Nan had grown up in hardship, her family scraping by as butchers, where earning money was hard. How could they have the cheek to take advantage of her?
Hua Xijian furrowed her brows and shot a glare at Shen Luohe.
The latter, however, remained utterly composed, looking completely at ease.
Slightly exasperated, Hua Xijian glared fiercely at her unreliable senior brother.
Nan Zhi did not catch the silent visual dispute passing between the two disciples.
Or rather, even if she did see it, she pretended not to.
These two were most likely bearing good news from the Demon Suppression Division, so treating them to a meal was only right and proper.
...
Harboring their own thoughts, the three arrived at the tavern and took their seats, only to find the main hall packed with patrons and bustling with vibrant liveliness.
The waiter, a rag draped over his shoulder, shuttled back and forth carrying a large teapot to refill tea and pour water for guests.
The plump, squinting shopkeeper leaned over the counter, his abacus clicking and clacking at a brisk rhythm.
Outside the door, idle men who ran errands and bought wine for others stood waiting for work in twos and threes, craning their necks to listen to the storyteller spin his yarn.
Dressed in a long gown, the storyteller had set up a platform in the middle of the hall. With a folding fan, a gavel, and a cup of clear tea, he spoke with sweeping fervor and eloquence:
“...Now, it is said that deep in Wenshan lurked a fierce tiger. It occupied Wenshan, ferocious and wicked beyond measure, devouring over hundreds of thousands of people a year! Under its command were three thousand vengeful ghosts, each possessing formidable skills, having been ruthless scoundrels who robbed homes and committed arson in life...”
Just as he said this, someone in the audience objected, “A hundred thousand in a single year?! Can that tiger even stomach that much?!”
“Smack—”
The storyteller slammed his gavel down fiercely, glaring as he shouted:
“How do you know the demon tiger couldn't stomach it? That demon tiger was dozens of zhang long, its head like a cave and its maw like a millstone! With a single inhale and exhale, living people went in and white bones flew out! If it couldn't finish eating them all, thirty thousand were hung up to dry in the wind, thirty thousand were minced into meat fillings, and the remaining thirty thousand were preserved to steep in wine...”
The crowd below gasped in unison, leaning back in fright.
Smug and triumphant, the storyteller continued his narrative with dramatic cadence:
“This demon tiger entrenched itself in Wenshan, tormenting the common folk for ages. Countless martial heroes went to subdue it, only to return defeated or end up feeding the beast. The immortals in the heavens could not bear to see the people suffer, so they bestowed a divine ability upon the mortal realm. Exactly eighteen years ago, a woman named Chen Jingui in Lingbai Alley gave birth to a daughter named Nan Zhi.
“When this girl was born, red light filled the room and a strange fragrance drifted from the skies, yet she was simple-minded and foolish, ignorant of worldly affairs, keeping the innocence of a newborn child for eighteen full years! Do any of you know why that was?”
“Why? Hurry up and tell us why!”
“Could she just have been born an idiot?”
“She must have beheld the true visage of the gods and journeyed into the Great Void in her dreams!”
“I know! This girl is the reincarnation of Zhong Kui! A born bringer of slaughter!”
The tavern patrons chimed in all at once, each guess wilder and more preposterous than the last.
Damn it.
So you're the ones spreading all these rumors around town.
Before Nan Zhi’s seat had even warmed up, she stood up to leave, only to be stopped by Shen Luohe’s fan:
“Fellow Daoist Nan, this storyteller is quite entertaining; there’s no harm in staying to listen. Besides, getting up right now would only draw unwanted attention.”
Nan Zhi looked up and saw that the tavern was packed to the brim. Even the waiter pouring tea was listening with rapt attention, oblivious to the fact that the cup beneath his teapot was already overflowing.
She had no choice but to shield her face and sit back down.
Seeing that he had completely hooked his audience, the storyteller was in exceedingly high spirits. He leisurely fanned himself with his folding fan, took a shallow sip of tea, cleared his throat, and continued:
“As it turned out, that immortal had calculated that eighteen years later, someone would subdue the demon tiger, and thus bestowed a divine ability to take this Nan Zhi as a disciple. Nan Zhi spent eighteen years roaming the immortal realm in her dreams, learning countless arts to vanquish demons and monsters. Alas, mortal men were ignorant and failed to see her extraordinary nature!
“Fortunately, the Nan couple was kind and benevolent, raising Nan Zhi with good food and drink until she was eighteen. Who could have known that on that fateful day, when her younger brother was besieged by the fierce tiger deep in the mountains, her eyes suddenly flared with brilliant light as she shouted toward Wenshan:
“‘Fiend! Do not harm my brother! I have come to vanquish you!’
“Amidst billowing celestial mist, Nan Zhi rode the wind, traveling a thousand miles a day! In the blink of an eye, she arrived in Wenshan, confronting the three thousand vengeful ghosts and the demon tiger! The demon tiger, relying on its own prowess, held no regard for Nan Zhi, spewing insolent boasts and even injuring her brother—”
“Smack!”
The storyteller slapped the gavel down with a resounding crack, his face flushed with excitement:
“Furious at heart, Nan Zhi let out a bizarre war cry—wa-ya-ya-ya—and instantly unleashed all her might, summoning thunderclouds to strike the demon tiger first and slay the chang ghosts next!
“The demon tiger was also exceptionally formidable; first letting out a thunderous roar, it spewed venomous mist to ambush Nan Zhi, truly enough to shake one's three souls and seven spirits to their core!
“Yet Nan Zhi was not to be outdone. She let out a mighty roar, ‘Grandfather Thunder, aid me!’, then opened her maw wide, devouring and expelling the three thousand vengeful ghosts while brandishing the divine weapon gifted by the immortal, swinging it with ferocious wind!
“In the end, of those three thousand vengeful ghosts, one thousand were swallowed into her belly, one thousand were blasted to death by her summoned divine thunder, and the last thousand were literally frightened to death on the spot! Aiyaya, what a terrifying sight it was! Even that demon tiger quickly fell to its knees, spitting out precious treasures to beg for its life. But guess what Nan Zhi said?”
Without waiting for the audience to reply, the storyteller let out a long breath, still savoring the tale:
“Nan Zhi declared proudly, ‘I am a disciple of the immortals; how could I ever associate with a man-eating monster like you? For one hundred and thirty-seven generations, every generation of my Qingyun Sect has taken vanquishing demons and slaying monsters as its duty! Our ancestral founder, the Great Fox of Tushan, even tamed the floods alongside Great Yu in ancient times! By rights, I should spare you, but you are utterly vicious, devouring humans and swallowing souls, bringing disgrace upon the Demon race. You cannot be allowed to live!’
“With that, Nan Zhi severed the monster’s head with the divine weapon in her hand and strode away in dashing fashion!
“Truly: ‘Righteousness often resides in humble butchers; an immortal descends to vanquish the demon tiger. Miraculous encounters grace the Eldest Sister of the Nan family; beyond the Qingyun Sect, she slays the wicked fiend!’”
“Bravo!!”
“Well said!”
“As expected of an immortal's disciple! That is truly how it should be done!”
“How thoroughly satisfying!”
As the gavel came down, the audience broke into thunderous applause and cheers, the atmosphere so roaring and intense it threatened to blow the tavern's roof right off.
...
“I went by carriage that day, which took an entire shichen. The weapon I used to cut the tiger wasn't some divine weapon either, but the slaughtering knife my father uses to butcher pigs. The demon tiger wasn't dozens of zhang long; counting its tail, it was barely over one zhang at most. And there weren't three thousand vengeful ghosts, just seven or eight chang ghosts who were ordinary mortals in life.”
In a corner of the tavern, Nan Zhi sat with a dark face:
“I don't go around screeching wa-ya-ya when I fight, nor do I ever yell ‘Grandfather Thunder, aid me.’ As for my brother, he fainted from terror before he even laid eyes on the demon tiger that day, and had to be carried down the mountain. Even the injuries on his body were from my parents beating him together because they were furious at him for messing around with those people.
“And most importantly: I. Do. Not. Eat. Ghosts.”
To her left, Shen Luohe was on the verge of dying from holding back his laughter.
To her right, Hua Xijian's face had turned completely red from stifling her chuckles, looking up and down and anywhere else except at Nan Zhi.
Nan Zhi questioned her own soul: what kind of sins had she committed in her past life?
She could accept being slain by monsters, or being stabbed to death while dueling in dharma combat.
What she absolutely could not bear was suffering total social death right in front of newly met fellow Daoists.
Rate on N.U.
